Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Gentle Message

I recall my coach reminding to ask for gentle messages.

Hmm. That was sound advice given the way things have unfolded at times in my life. It would seem that although I should have wrote that down, posted it and tattooed it to my forehead, or something of that nature...I forgot.

Instead I got busy again. Busy with stuff. You know, this and that. My focus was not clear and direct. No. I was reading with the purpose of achieving my goal, and to my credit, sometimes I was getting there. But not that day. No.

My distractions were what set me on this journey in the first place. The last pieces of the puzzle, the rest of letting go. This may not make sense to anyone reading this, but to me it has been a lifetime in the making.

Distractions can be dangerous. And sometimes they are just what we need. Right now though, in this moment and the next, I need to be clear. Focused. Direct. As clear as my fuzzy head will allow me to be.

This is me, dear Universe, putting in my humble request.Out loud typed out for anyone to see. I seemed to have set myself up for yet another, not gentle message. A "hey you, slow down and pay attention" sort of message.

Yes, you have my attention now, the girl in the back row is fully engaged. Although the spasms in my head are testing that!

I hereby request the "gentle message" that my coach so masterfully suggested, and as we know, tossed aside by me! A test of my resilience was not what I was looking for. But, I guess when I wasn't clear and quite distracted, I must have appeared muddled and in need of a whack upside the head!


I will do my best to be more mindful and duck when retaining walls are overhead. It is abundantly clear to me that my skull was no match for solid construction. Which actually does surprise me, given our builder.

I will continue on my path, very grateful that it is wide and can accommodate when I have been distracted. If I had an amazing shoe collection to show for this, then it wouldn't be for naught, but sadly, that isn't the case.

I will continue to hold sacred all that is important to me without taking on the world. I say that knowing me and I am wondering how much I will be tested? This roaring bear has to settle down and realize it is winter.

Time to reflect and be quiet.

I will do my best to "see" what I was missing through my busyness. I am being forced to rest more but the irony is I cannot clear my mind so well in this condition.

I will focus on healing. Love. Self acceptance.

Hmm. Reading that now...that is exactly what I had set out to do those many distracted months ago.

Hmm. The pain in my heart, the hurt that was so deep and so overwhelming sometimes, I just couldn't see. It so wanted to be heard. Be loved. And be healed.

Thank you.

I guess you understood after all. The whack upside the head was a bit severe. But who knows what it could have been? I was at home and not in my vehicle.

I will use my time more mindfully - when it is coherent. I am really hoping all of the new science around the brain' s ability to heal and rewire, when there has been an outage, holds true. Right now it feels like power will be down for a while. I guess that is okay. Winter is approaching and it is time for this momma bear to settle in and take care of herself.

Time to watch and see.

Note: I will also, just to be clear, do my best NOT to fatten up before the big hibernation. I just don't think that would help at this time. Or any.

If there are any glaring omissions - which given my lack of cranial clarity seem bound to happen - a more gentle and less "requiring me to wear a helmet the rest of my days" approach would be much appreciated.

Sincerely yours,
The one in the back row, nursing a concussion and a tender heart,

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