Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Love to my son...the big one!

photo by: http://www.flickr.com/photos/orcaman/

Yesterday, I felt so full of sunshine and love. Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel like you glow? Yes, yes, I washed...it wasn't that. This came from a deeper place. That knowing inside that we are all connected. We are on this journey with each other to experience life. Some days I just want to smile at everyone I meet and tell them I care!

It is about remembering who we really are.

We are love in its purest form. We have wisdom and knowledge. We have the tools to navigate what we draw into our life. No, it doesn't always feel that way when we are being challenged. Especially when it involves our family.

A friend of mine yesterday was telling me about a hospital visit she had to make to see a special young man who had defied the odds in his life so far. Here he was again, fighting for his life at 19 years old. My eldest son will be 19 this year. I started to think of him. Where was I inside with my feelings towards him - frustration, annoyance, love, more frustration?

Hmm...why did I forget that this is his journey? Why did I forget that the lessons he has to learn are for him...and not me? We are a very openly loving family, but when was the last time I had told him that I loved him? That is a big one for me. I say that frequently in our house, but when did I last tell him that?? Why did I forget that his life is just as precious?

Why hadn't I looked past frustration for a while to see the wonderful person that he is?

I wasn't so much mad at myself as I was disappointed. When did it become about me?

I made a decision that I was going to tell him how much I care more openly and freely. I was going to choose where to be with my feelings and separate them from him, as a person.

Today is about love. It is about holding my highest thoughts about who he is and remembering our agreement. That this is his journey. I will do my best to guide and provide what I should as his mother...love, a home, food.

He wondered why I was crying when I gave him that big hug...and then he thanked me. Wow, it had been a while!!

1 comment:

Natalie said...

That is beautiful. Well done , Michele. It is hard sometimes, but oh so worth it.
Love to you.xx♥